I certainly hope that any new parents out there will immediately begin to alter their child rearing practices to model the examples currently being set by our leaders, because plainly, these will be the secrets to success in the future.
For instance, should your child develop a life-threatening disease evidenced by a fever measured scientifically at 105 degrees, do not take steps to medically treat your child but simply ignore the symptoms and keep insisting to everyone that your child is really healthy and that he or she is faking it to make you look bad as a parent and to keep you from going to the bar. And when your child is old enough to take part in organized sports and inevitably loses a game by being legitimately outscored by the opponent, instead of teaching the antiquated model of good sportsmanship, instruct your child to deny the outcome, collapse on the field and commence throwing a screaming hissy fit, blaming everyone in sight, until the score is changed in his favor. And if you are finally able to mollify the child by pretending to agree with him until he sullenly quits the field, make sure that he wrecks the playing field and all the equipment on the way out so that no one can ever play again.
Thank you, Donald Trump and Kevin McCarthy, for being such sterling examples of wisdom and character for our future generations.
Zoa Duffy, Bakersfield