It's been a while since I've had the pleasure of spewing hot coffee out of my nose, but I did so this morning when I heard Donald Trump declare at the governors' meeting that he would have run into that Parkland, Fla., high school without a weapon, presumably to single-handedly stop the carnage.
Incredulous at first, I recalled that he did, in fact, give an example of his own previous heroism during a Howard Stern interview in 1993 where he likened the dating game to the dangers of Vietnam. Having successfully deferred service five times, he declared that avoiding STDs while indulging his promiscuous lifestyle made him feel like "a very brave soldier." He asserted that women's private parts are, after all, "like land mines." Who knew?
Maybe our own Rep. Kevin McCarthy will take our fearless leader's lead and summon the same heroic courage to charge unarmed into the midst of his constituents in a real live town hall meeting here in his district. He'll probably take some heat, but it won't be on the same risk-level as contracting clamydia or anything like that. Man up!
— Zoa Duffy, Bakersfield