The news is ridiculous enough without anyone piling on unnecessarily ridiculous fiction, but we've just endured the holidays and we’re still in a slightly giddy mood. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, we’re going to go ahead and posit that parody is the insincerest form — but it’s flattery nonetheless. Why? Because these topics made a dent in our consciousness, and, in a world of dazzlingly diverse distractions, that’s saying something. Here, then, are our end-of-year parody headlines. If you like them, we wrote them in-house. If you don’t, we appropriated them from one of our wire services.

City of Arvin finds $16 million under sofa cushion in city hall lobby

Amazon chooses Bakersfield

Missing Trout's sign discovered in county museum warehouse

Trump dumps wall idea, promises to fix crumbling infrastructure instead

NFL MVP Derek Carr throws 7 TD passes in Super Bowl rout

Extraterrestrials land in Washington, Pyongyang, administer public spankings to Trump, Kim Jong-un

Manson's burial at sea hits snag when fish throw him back onto boat

Quake opens huge gap in mountains, allowing escape of air pollution

Snow blankets Sierra, ending drought speculation, opening ski resort

Sheriff takes measures to end drug sales from department's evidence locker

Cheesecake Factory to open one block from Californian newsroom

Reality show star upsets Putin to win Russian election; US suspected of hack

Animal shelters empty as pet adoptions soar

Trump to tweet entire State of the Union address; McCarthy to read them aloud

City council declares moratorium on traffic studies

East Hills Mall, anchored by Nordstrom and Bass Pro Shops, opens to record crowds

City records 12th consecutive month with zero pedestrian deaths

Unprecedented domination: Kern County high schools comprise state's entire MaxPreps Top 25

Trump says solar eclipse was his idea

The sound of crickets: Hillary Clinton announces 2020 presidential run