Toll of domestic violence on children can be profound to both child and society
As a counselor at the Alliance Against Family Violence and Sexual Assault, I am especially compelled during Domestic Violence Awareness Month to speak up about the most innocent victims of this tragedy: children.
Experts estimate that one out of every four children in California is directly exposed to domestic violence as a victim or as a witness. In Kern County, where 31 percent of the population (about 240,000) consists of children, more than 60,000 are directly affected by domestic violence, according to a 2009 report released by the Kern County Network for Children.
What will happen to these children as a result of witnessing verbal, psychological and physical abuse at home?
Dr. Bruce Perry, a leading researcher and authority on trauma and its effects on children, has thoroughly documented the chronic stress experienced by kids living in violent households. He links the witnessing of domestic violence to learning disabilities, severe sleep disorders, drug and alcohol dependency, depression, increased physical illness and violent behaviors.
Why does this happen? A lot of it might have to do with the silencing of emotions as a response to the overwhelming feeling of powerlessness caused by the witnessing of violence inside the home.
Children who witness domestic violence realize at a very young age not to speak about the violence that goes on inside their homes. They are under the impression and unspoken understanding that they must remain silent out of love for their parents and, more importantly, they fear a very possible retaliation from the abuser. In many homes where a parent or guardian is the abuser, the probability of these violence-witnessing children becoming victims themselves is quite high.
Dorothy Law Nolte was the celebrated author of the parenting poem, "Children Live What They Learn," which became a type of child-rearing anthem for many parents and caregivers of children. The tenet of her poem rings especially true for children who witness domestic violence repeatedly.
These children learn to use violence as the primary method of problem solving -- either at home, school or play. They experience higher levels of aggression, anger, hostility, anxiety, fear and isolation than do other children. They often have poor social relationships and suffer from low self-esteem and depression.
At school, they have difficulty concentrating on tasks and display lower mental functioning, which leads to poorer overall school performance. They often lack conflict-resolution skills and aggressively defy authority -- teachers, coaches, mentors and school-support personnel. Thus, they are often labeled as difficult, defiant, or having behavioral problems.
Long-term problems, such as higher levels of adult depression, are noted in persons who have witnessed domestic violence as children. And it has long been documented that children who are exposed to domestic abuse are two times more likely to become either victims or perpetrators of domestic violence themselves.
These are the children who will grow up to eventually lead us as they occupy positions of responsibility in our community: in schools, churches, the halls of justice, social work and advocacy agencies, colleges and universities.
Isn't it about time we all, collectively, speak up against Domestic Violence not only during October -- which is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month -- but every second of every day that we are presented an opportunity to do something about it?
Visit www.kernalliance.org or call 322-0931 to find out about how you can help the Alliance in the local fight against domestic violence through your monetary or in-kind giving or volunteering.
Raye E. Bugnosen of Bakersfield supervises the counseling department of the Alliance Against Family Violence and Sexual Assault.
