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Herb Benham: No light in bathroom, now what?
| Saturday, Jun 28 2008 2:00 PM
Last Updated: Friday, Jun 27 2008 1:29 PM
Recently, the newspaper, as a cost-savings device, put automatic timers on the light switches in the bathroom. Who could blame them?
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I know what my PG&E bill is at home, but I cannot imagine what a business this size must run. It must be a frightening moment when whoever opens the bill, opens the bill and screams loud enough to loosen the ceiling tiles.
“That’s it. We have to stop this carnage. We’re installing automatic timers in the bathroom.”
The timers have taken some getting used to. Entering a dark bathroom is a new sensation. It feels like stumbling onto a crime scene without the yellow tape.
“Don’t come in. You have no idea what you are getting into. I’m not sure you are going to like what you find in this bathroom.”
“The enter at your own risk” feel is immediately eradicated by a twist of the timer which illuminates the clean white tile.
Now, it’s “Hello old friend. I’m glad to see you again.”
Once in the bathroom, the second adjustment may come in the midst of whatever one is doing in the bathroom, which could be as innocent as washing one’s hands. This happens when the timer clicks off, and in doing so, kills every available source of light.
There is nothing darker than a bathroom which heretofore had enjoyed bright and friendly light. It’s like being in a cave when a breath of wind unexpectedly blows out your candle.
What does one do? Does one stop doing whatever one was doing or does one march bravely forward?
It’s dark and one is alone in either a somewhat compromising or a completely compromising position.
There are other potential problems. What if somebody walks in, notices of course that the lights are off, flicks them on, and then voila, there you are either doing or not doing whatever you came in to do?
Can you blame the new visitor if he thinks, “What kind of weirdo goes to the bathroom in the dark?”
No explanation suffices. The best strategy is to hang your head and hope the visitor cannot make a positive ID.
They arrest people for that sort of behavior. You’ll find it under Statute 121 — urinal stalking. It’s an automatic third strike and that’s if they don’t kill you right on the spot.
There are people, I may or may not be one of them, who use the bathroom late at night and choose not to turn on the light because they don’t want to risk waking up. However, a dark bathroom at home is one thing and a dark bathroom at work quite another.
One is a decision, the other a precursor to a public spectacle.
On the couple of occasions that I have found myself in the dark at work, I have very carefully shuffled my way out by feeling for the towel dispenser — you don’t want to take that one across the face — as well as making sure that I don’t run into the sink and give myself a charley horse.
So far, no injuries. I’m used to operating in the dark.