If it sounds fishy, rest assured it is
| Friday, Mar 20 2009 03:34 PM
Last Updated Friday, Mar 20 2009 03:34 PM
Craig Garrett has returned from his harrowing African ordeal looking remarkably healthy and untroubled. If he has your e-mail in the address book of his hotmail account, you may have already been apprised of the frightening details. But here, for others' benefit, is the story:
Stranded in a ritzy hotel in Lagos, Nigeria, having left his cash, credit cards and passport in a taxi cab, Garrett finds himself hungry and almost-but-not-quite homeless. Desperate, he goes to the Lagos city library and e-mails everyone he knows, begging them to send money via Western Union. He needs $1,050 for the room, pronto, plus an additional $1,250 "to feed and help myself back home," which might seem odd, because, well, he'd be home. He has traveled to Africa for an HIV/AIDS conference, and look at all the trouble his good intentions have brought him.
I learned about all of this when Garrett's pleading e-mail dropped into the newspaper's letters-to-the-editor box three days ago. We'd published his letters before, so I called him, leaving phone messages at his house and at his place of employment, Sun Pacific Farms. Ten minutes later, he called me back.
Brace for a shocker: Yes, that is his e-mail address, but no, he is still right here in Bakersfield and, no, he has never been to Africa.
"Anybody who knows me knows I would never pay that much for a hotel room," said Garrett, who, for what it's worth, has made eight visits to India -- none in search of an HIV/AIDS vaccine.
Before the day was over, Garrett had heard from 10 friends, all wanting to know if he was OK. One had been preparing to head to Western Union, but decided to call first. The Nigerian fraudster had somehow gained control of Garrett's hotmail account by hijacking his password, and now Garrett couldn't get access to his own e-mail. He is still in the process of trying to wrench back control of the account -- hoping, among other things, that he can warn his friends not to send any money to Mr. Olasoji Perez, who's staying in room 6 of the Eko Hotel & Suites (a Lagos hotel that actually exists).
I was determined to help, but having no expertise in information technology, identity protection or international criminal law, I offered up the only thing I am any good at: harassment.
Don't think of what follows as the cruel taunting of a dirtbag, identity-stealing cyber-scammer. Think of it as a bored middle-aged man trying out his sitcom screenwriting chops --"Greenacres" as if Tim Burton were directing -- while simultaneously taunting a dirtbag, identity-stealing cyber-scammer.
It starts like this:
ME: Craig, please tell me where to send the money. I can scrape together a few hundred dollars.
NOT-CRAIG: Thanks for the email and your help. I Knew i could Count on you. I will like you to send the money via Western Union Money Transfer. Please the money Should be sent in the name of the hotel management because of the loss of my passport. And he lists some lengthy instructions.
I don't have the space here to share the entire exchange, but suffice to say Not-Craig agreed to pose in his boxer shorts for the Buttonwillow Alfalfa Cooperative's 2010 calendar, among other indignities. The entire conversation is at www.stubblebuzz.com.
I cruised the Internet, trying to learn if others had bumped into Olasoji Perez and this particular variation of the infamous "419 scam." No dice there, but as it turns out, wasting scammers' time by holding out the hope of a big score is a highly refined pastime known as scambaiting. It's great fun.
The real Craig Bennett will undoubtedly devote a portion of his weekend to sorting things out -- fortunately, none of his friends or associates fell for the scam (as far as he knows). If he should ever visit Nigeria (now even less likely than before) he promises to seek help from the American Embassy, not his hotmail account.
E-mail Robert Price at rprice@bakersfield.com, and check out his negotiations with the Evil Craig at stubblebuzz.com.
