Will donor give up Houchin plate? Oh, negative
| Monday, Dec 12 2011 04:41 PM
Last Updated Monday, Dec 12 2011 04:43 PM
My rear license plate remains gone -- stolen a couple of weeks ago. Like a bike rider without a helmet, a plateless car looks naked. I reported it but haven't heard anything from the Police Department. Even if it's located, I'm not sure I'll see the Houchin Blood Bank license plate frame, which the thieves also lifted.
That brings me to my friend Lois, whose office I was in recently. I try to stay on Lois' good side because otherwise she might investigate me and find out that I'm friends with some of the people who work at PG&E. The girl is a tiger, and you want to tread lightly around her.
What do you think I saw on the table to the right of her desk? A silver Houchin Blood Bank license frame. New, never used.
At the top of the frame, it read, "10 Gallon Club." At the bottom, "Houchin Blood Bank." Lois said something but all I could think about was the new silver not-being-used license plate frame.
"You know, my license plate got stolen," I said.
I'm not sure it was the most uninteresting thing she had heard that week, but it had to be close to it because she barely lifted her head. Lois is working on bigger things. She's not worried about your stupid license plate unless it was involved in a hit-and-run with a major California utility.
"Are you using that frame?" I asked, thinking that I might interest her in my problem.
"No, it's an extra," she said.
Awkward silence. How does one proceed? Should I wait for her to put two and two together or do the math for her?
The friction point was this: Prior to it getting stolen, I had a two-gallon-club frame, and Lois was part of the 10-gallon club. The person who had earned this frame had given five times the amount of blood as the person with the two-gallon frame.
Lois' investigative skills are, as we have witnessed in the newspaper, formidable. She had done the math before I handed out the test. She looked at me like I've seen her look at other people. Her gaze burned a hole in me like a magnifying glass would a toasty golden sycamore leaf.
Come on, Lois, I thought. Couldn't I be aspirational? Might we consider 10 gallons a goal?
I've seen 10-gallon-license-plate-frame people before. They are treated differently. They are given concierge service. If you can combine a 10-gallon frame with a blue handicap parking card, you don't park in front of the store -- you're inside next to the cole slaw.
"Look, that person is disabled and still gave 10 gallons of blood. He's probably down to one kidney too."
"I'm not giving you that 10-gallon frame," she said. "You haven't earned it."
I tried appealing to her sense of company camaraderie. That failed, too. She sliced the words with her stare as they rolled out of my mouth.
Although it may be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God, it may be a push if the camel wants a 10-gallon plate on a two-gallon budget.
These are the opinions of Herb Benham, not necessarily those of The Californian. Email him at hbenham@bakersfield.com.
