Herb Benham: You want to leave me, a total stranger, your estate?
| Monday, Apr 05 2010 05:19 PM
Last Updated Monday, Apr 05 2010 05:19 PM
Last week I received this e-mail:
"I am Mrs. Kate Paul. My husband died February 2nd 2008 after a brief illness. Recently I was told by my Doctor due to my cancer diagnosed that I may not last for the next four Months because of this situation I have decided to assign my entire estate to a honest person. For more details please get back to me:
"Thank you.
"Mrs. Kate Paul."
Dear Mrs Paul. Getting back to you. Before we talk about your "entire estate," what a string of bad luck. Your husband dies after a brief illness. Now it appears that soon you will be joining him.
If there is a bright side, there is no indication that he suffered. If he did, say where he was yelling so loudly that the neighbors were tempted to call the police, your use of the word "brief" indicates that his suffering, and the subsequent disturbance he may have caused, didn't last forever.
I was touched by your capitalization of "Doctor" in the middle of the sentence. You seem to respect doctors the way people used to. I swing back and forth on mine. One day he's big "D," but if I haven't met the deductible and have to fork out a bunch of money, he gets relegated to little "d" status.
Sorry to hear about your cancer. It's not enough that your husband died from a brief, although perhaps painless, death. I was charmed, if one can use that in the face of a terminal illness, by your phrase "due to my cancer diagnosed." It has a homespun quality to it, the poetical lilt of somebody who is speaking English as a second language. Or, that is, "English speaking as a language second."
I would like to learn more about your "cancer diagnosed." It is difficult, given your description, for Dr. Benham to determine whether you might linger or if this will be a brief illness along the lines of your husband's.
"Brief illnesses" can be gentler on family fortunes by not ringing up end of life medical expenses that aren't going to help one bit anyway. A couple of aspirins, a basket of rolled-up hand towels that the patient can bite down on when the pain would otherwise cause him to scream and lots of sheets.
In your note, you say that you may not last "four Months." I was curious why you capitalized "Months" in the middle of the sentence. Do you suspect that you might live longer or shorter? If longer, how much longer? I would like to offer encouragement, but I cannot. What you have is 100 percent fatal. No one has ever beaten it. Ever.
You write: "I have decided to assign my entire estate to a honest person."
Question: How honest does this person have to be? On a scale of 1 to 10, are you looking for a 9 or will a 5 do?
What do you mean by "my entire estate." Did Mr. Brief Illness leave a treasure chest full of happy gold doubloons or does your estate consist of a Paul Masson bottle full of pennies, a yard sale sofa and a Rambler sitting on blocks?
Mrs Paul: Consider this note an expression of my interest. Good luck with your "cancer diagnosed." No reason to go to the doctor. Help he cannot.
Yours truly,
Honest Herb.
