RALPH BAILEY: Mettler and Bertram: Two political peas in a pod
| Friday, Oct 22 2010 05:39 PM
Last Updated Friday, Oct 22 2010 05:39 PM
Has anybody ever really seen Ken Mettler and Martin Bertram in the same room at the same time?
I ask because after talking with both men recently, I'm firmly beginning to believe they are one and the same.
First, some background: Mettler is the controversial Kern High School District trustee and failed 32nd Assembly District candidate who got in hot water with some big-name supporters when it was revealed during the primary that he'd recruited a straw candidate into the race, Shannon Holloway, to confuse voters and take votes away from his main rival, Shannon Grove, who won anyway.
Mettler has also filed complaints that Grove committed voter fraud by voting and running in the 32nd District when she's really lived in the 30th. (Grove denies this and the Kern County District Attorney's office has not filed any charges).
Bertram is the Bakersfield City Council Ward 7 candidate who has admitted hacking Mettler's computer and disseminating Mettler e-mails revealing the Holloway conspiracy. Bertram, who has been charged with misdemeanor unauthorized use of computer data, says voters needed to know about Mettler's malfeasance.
Both Mettler and Bertram feel they are dedicated servants to Kern County battling evil and fighting for truth, justice and the conservative way!
Mettler and his mighty team of political do-gooders continue to combat the sinister "Mr. Abernathy" -- political consultant Mark Abernathy, whose clients include Grove and Bertram -- and his political machine.
Meanwhile, Bertram battles Mettler and what he calls other forces who Bertram insists are out to see him through an untimely and excruciating political death.
While they may appear to be on opposite sides of the spectrum, they're actually in league.
They belong to the unenviable group of lunkheads, which includes Hamlet, Oedipus and Richard M. Nixon. Men, fictional or not, who believe short cuts and quick fixes in the end will save the day.
Whether it's NOT believing that murder begets murder or that destiny is destiny or the simple idea that if you lie you'll cheat and if you'll cheat you'll steal and if you steal you are no good, all these tragic heroes simply abandoned common sense to their inevitable, ultimate and tragic demise.
Yet both "Mettram," my new term, somehow feels vindicated by current events. Mettler says the fact prosecutors charged Bertram with hacking is proof positive he's Prince Valiant, who simply lost his mind for one brief shining moment when asked a question on camera. (Mettler, caught on video by a Grove supporter, denied ever knowing Holloway, despite her later admissions that he met with her and suggested she too run as part of a political plan).
Bertram, meantime, believes his foiling of Mettler's whackadoo plan makes him Gary Cooper in a Frank Capra film!
Never mind Mettler still insists the infamous "confuse, confuse, confuse" e-mails were coincidences to the fact he tried to play a Shannon shell game. And forget the fact Bertram initially lied on numerous occasions when asked if he was the huckleberry hacking Mettler's mail!
However, let me say I believe that both are well-intended men. Patriots who truly desire to see Kern County and California head down the right path.
In "Absence of Malice," a great '80s political/journalistic film in which Paul Newman in the end fools everyone and exacts his revenge, Willford Grimly cracks a great line about the D.A. who innocently ruins his own career. "He's a nice guy. He just forgot about the rules."
Ken Mettler and Martin Bertram are both decent, honorable men who simply forgot about the rules. There are some sins we as Americans are quick to forget ... lying ain't one of 'em.
The end does not justify the mean, no matter how glorious and triumphant or even beneficial the victory may be.
"I'm not a crook," proclaimed Nixon, and he wasn't. He was a co -conspirator to a bunch of bungling burglars who would have made Don Knotts, Tim Conway and The Apple Dumpling Gang look like John Dillinger. And one single decision would have saved his presidency and legacy.
Such may be the case for Mettram, but I'm not smart or clairvoyant enough to tell you their political futures. For one, residents in the 7th Ward will speak loudly Nov. 2 and for the other only time will tell. However, Mettler's decision not to run for his school board seat certainly was a shot heard around the county.
And now that we've been spared their unique idea of democracy, I truly feel sorry for them. My pop always told me you can lie to a lot of folks but the one person you should never lie to is yourself.
These men, or man if my hypothesis bears out and they're the same cat, continue to deceive themselves in believing "they done good" when the only service they may have provided is a terrific civics lesson for our young people.
A lesson on what NOT to do!
Ralph Bailey, who hosts a talk show on AM 1560 KNZR, is one of four conservative community columnists whose work appears here every Saturday. These are the opinions of Bailey, not necessarily The Californian. You can e-mail him at rbailey@bakersfield. com. Next week: Heather Ijames.
