Full house: Extended families blend as economy takes its toll
| Saturday, Nov 12 2011 10:00 PM
Last Updated Saturday, Nov 12 2011 10:00 PM
New developments
One reality that's grown out of the trend toward larger households is the need for larger residences.
Builders are experimenting with a number of concepts, including houses with two master bedroom suites, entire wings that serve as self-contained living units, and small cottages on lots with larger homes.
Before the recession, there were a lot more of those houses going up, said Steve Melman, director of economic services for the National Association of Home Builders.
After the economy took a dive, that slowed a little because fewer people could afford big homes, "but there's still a niche market for large households," Melman said.
Locally, Lennar Homes believes there's enough demand to support a "home within a home." The homebuilder last month introduced the NEXT GEN floor plan, which includes a separate bedroom, bathroom, sitting room and kitchenette that can be accessed by the rest of the house but has its own entrance for privacy.
A model in Lennar's Summerlyn community at Allen and Reina roads in northwest Bakersfield is getting heavy traffic, said Mike Miller, division president of Lennar Central Valley.
"I'm excited, myself," he said. "I have aging parents and grandparents."
The homes start at $272,500 and are about 2,257-square-feet.
Images
Brothers Wade, right, and Wyatt House will share a room at their grandparents' home once a garage conversion is completed. They are part of an extended family and three generations living together during hard economic times. The positive side is the children get to see their grandparents every day.
Chris and Jeniffer House, right, didn't expect to be living with Jeniffer's parents, Clint and Brenda Wood. But after losing their home and Chris suffering multiple layoffs, the reality is they have all been living together for 1 1/2 years. Their children from left, Faith and Hope, Wade, up front and Wyatt, being held, have adjusted well to the change. The adults have adjusted well also.
As a 2-year-old child, Wyatt House probably doesn't remember anything but his family living with his grandparents.
This model home in northwest Bakersfield shows the floor plan that has included a separate entrance (left of photo) for relatives who need to live under the same roof but at the same time desire privacy and their own entrance and exit.
With the resurgence of extended family living arrangements, some Bakersfield builders are offering floor plans that include a separate entrance for relatives who for whatever reason need to live under the same roof but at the same time desire privacy and their own entrance and exit.
Most people would go a little nuts if they had to cram four adults and four children into a three-bedroom house.
Brenda and Clint Wood have had their daughter, son-in-law and four grandchildren living with them since the economic downturn cost the younger couple their home.
Fortunately for them, the family gets along well and the transition from empty nest to crowded whirlwind of activity hasn't been difficult.
"You do what you have to do for your family," Brenda Wood said, shrugging. "You help each other."
The Woods are part of a growing trend toward larger households made up of nuclear and extended family members.
Households swelling
The number of people and families sharing households in the United States had already been increasing as baby boomers aged, swelling the ranks of those in need of elder care. But that trend has picked up steam since the start of the recession, according to the federal government.
There were 1.6 million more multi-family households in 2010 than 2008, an increase of 12 percent, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.
In Kern County, 10.7 percent of households last year included relatives who were neither spouses nor children.
Moreover, a recent study by The Pew Research Center reported that nationally, one in 10 adults ages 18 to 34 moved back with parents due to the economy.
The economy is what landed three generations of the Wood family under the same northwest Bakersfield roof.
Son-in-law Chris House, 38, is a repeated victim of layoffs. Daughter Jeniffer House, 37, works, but her income as a preschool teacher wasn't enough to save the couple's home.
They've been with her parents for two years now and will have to remain until they can rebuild their credit. All four of the children -- ages 2 to 12 -- share a room for the moment, but the family is in the process of converting the garage to a fourth bedroom.
"It's not as bad as it sounds," Jeniffer House said. "We're all easygoing people, and the kids have had a chance to bond with their grandparents. The children pick on each other every once in a while, but kids will do that even in a 3,000-square-foot home."
And there are upsides. Jeniffer House likes having more people to split chores with. "And we all cook," she said.
Chris House said he doesn't mind living with his in-laws.
"The mother-in-law jokes and all that don't apply to me," he said. "I lost both my parents as a teenager, so we got real close real fast."
Brenda Wood waved a hand dismissively. "Oh, yeah, he's like our son," she said.
That isn't to say blending households is easy.
Merging families
Robert Johnson, 86, has lived with one or the other of his adult daughters since losing his wife six years ago after 51 years of marriage.
He's now with the youngest of his girls and her 6-year-old son.
"We have our ups and downs," he said. "One thing is the Bible says you should talk about your problems with others so they can pray for you, but my daughter doesn't like to share."
Johnson said he tries to give advice when he thinks it will be helpful, but "you don't raise their children for them. Just try to be a part of the family and blend as easily as you can, and keep your nose clean."
The upside, Johnson said, is that he's been able to spend quality time with his grandchildren. He and the grandson he lives with like to go for walks to the park, which he said keeps him young. And when he lived with his other daughter, he gave her diabetic youngster coins as an incentive to stay on top of her blood sugar.
Expanding a household always goes more smoothly if, rather than rushing into it blindly, adults talk things through ahead of time to establish boundaries and realistic expectations, said Lito Morillo, interim director of Kern County Aging and Adult Services.
Families need to communicate in advance about things like household chores, who is paying what bills, child care and even room assignments, said Morillo, whose parents live with him along with his wife and two children.
"We'll get complaints from siblings that a brother or sister has moved into their parents' master bedroom, and there's resentment," he said. "They'll say, 'That's not even their house and they're taking over.'"
Then, too, there's the privacy dynamic, which can be tricky for, say, a couple trying to sustain romance, or a single person keeping late hours on the dating scene.
"Particularly when you're dealing with different generations, there can be totally different belief systems and values," Morillo said. "For me, it's easy because I'm pretty much raising my kids the way I was raised, but that's not the case for everyone."
Sometimes, familial conflict is merely uncomfortable, but in extreme cases, it can lead to permanent discord, or even be deadly.
The county receives about 200 requests a month to investigate possible elder abuse, up 92 percent over the last 10 years, Morillo said. Two-thirds of the time, perpetrators are family members.
Sandwich generation
It's easy to become beaten down by the magnitude of the responsibility of elder care, which is emotionally and often physically difficult.
Teresa Hoddes, 45, has three of her four children at home, as well as a daughter-in-law, a 15-month-old granddaughter and an elderly mother and stepfather who both have serious, chronic illnesses
Hoddes, herself, has a heart condition that leads to occasional sudden drops in heart rate, and says her heart problem gets worse when she's stressed out.
"I'm so, so grateful I have a job because it gets me away from some of the craziness at home," Hoddes said.
It helps that Hoddes works as a receptionist for Home Instead, a Bakersfield home health agency that provides home-based care for the elderly. Her co-workers are experts at dealing with dementia and some of the other issues the single mom is grappling with at home, so she's able to turn to them for advice and referrals. After Hoddes mentioned that her stepfather was a veteran, for instance, they directed her to services she hadn't been aware of that are available through the Veteran's Administration.
Stuck with each other
In a more favorable economy, family members who are overwhelmed or merely getting on one another's nerves have the option of going their separate ways. But too often these days, moving out is not an option.
Many older people have seen their 401(k) plans and pensions shrink or vanish, and younger people are often out of work or underpaid. There may be no choice but to split expenses and try to make the best of things, said Matthew Segal, executive director of Our Time, an advocacy group for people in their 20s and 30s.
That's really hard on the ego, Segal said, and it presents practical problems, too.
"Young people are delaying marriage and delaying starting families, pretty much everything about having a life," he said. "That affects your confidence and self-esteem, and could have lifelong career implications.
"It used to be you interned over the summer as a college student to get experience and establish your professional network so you could get a job after graduation," Segal said. "Now people are just going home to their parents, or they're working long hours in unpaid internships that, instead of leading to a job, are just leading to other unpaid internships."
It's no wonder that the student loan industry is seeing record default rates, and young people are racking up credit card debt to pay for such basic necessities as groceries and gasoline, Segal said.
Retiree Dina Bennett, 75, knows how hard it is for young people. She lives with her 23-year-old grandson, who moved in with her -- with two pit bulls in tow -- after losing a job.
"It took him a long time to find something," she said. "But thank the Lord he started a new job (two weeks ago)."
Bennett called her grandson "outgoing" and "independent," and said she tries to stay out of the way of his active social life. At the same time, she's grateful for the company.
"It's nice having him around," she said.
Jeniffer House said she tries to look at the bright side of her predicament, such as having child care backup so she doesn't have to miss work if one of her kids is sick.
And she doesn't dwell on how her living arrangement might look to others.
"I have no pride. I don't care what people think," she said. "And really, we're one of the lucky ones. I've heard stories of other people who lost their house where their health goes bad or there's divorce. We're all together, and we love each other. That's what matters."
