Mentoring aids those without family support
MENTOR: Volunteers asked to make year commitment
| Tuesday, Feb 02 2010 10:13 AM
Last Updated Tuesday, Feb 02 2010 10:13 AM
BY HILLARY HAENES, Californian staff writer hhaenes@bakersfield.com
Better parent? Check.
Job? Check.
Her own place? Check.
Those were the top items on the list Fanny Hernandez created more than four years ago in her mentoring program at Garden Pathways.
"I still have the paper. In a period of a year, I achieved all of these goals," said Hernandez, who has gone above and beyond her original ambitions.
Hernandez, 35, has built a strong relationship with her children, bought a car and is no longer homeless or dependent on welfare, was recently promoted to assistant manager at Today Cleaners and is the company's "Our Shining Star" for the month of January.
"It made me feel good. From the background I come from, I never thought I could be assistant manager," Hernandez said.
Each month, the company awards an employee at one of their 10 locations -- an employee who excels at work and is a pleasant person to work beside.
"I'm so happy for her and proud -- she's earned it," said Hernandez's former manager Lisa Ferguson. "She is very dependable and knows every aspect of the job. I've never seen anyone turn around so beautifully."
Turn Hernandez's life back 180 degrees.
She dropped out of the sixth grade because she started selling drugs. She got pregnant at 12 and then again at 13. A few years down the line, she had three more babies.
Her two oldest daughters parented their siblings because Hernandez was too doped up to function.
"My whole time I was just like baby sitting, basically being a mom to my sister and brother. I saw everything she went through growing up," said Sabrina Munoz, Hernandez's oldest daughter.
Hernandez said she felt terrible about not being a good mother and never telling her kids she loved them.
"When I drive down streets and see kids, it breaks my heart because it reminds me of my kids. They never went to school, never graduated," Hernandez said. "I robbed them of their childhood because they were at home watching my two little kids."
Her mentor taught her to surround herself with positive people and how to be a strong woman, said Hernandez, who is attending adult school to get her GED.
"A lot of my friends out there are still doped up. I always pray for them. If God did it for me, he can do it for them," Hernandez said.
Munoz, 21, sees a definite difference in her mother.
"It's still kind of a shock, but at the same time, she makes me proud because she just turned into a whole different woman," Munoz said. "We can actually have a conversation -- I can tell her my problems and what I'm going through."
Mentoring
Training: All mentors are required to attend an adult orientation training workshop to mentor groups, and additional training is required for mentoring both individuals and groups.
Commitment: Garden Pathways asks individuals interested in becoming a mentor to make a yearlong commitment, so your mentee can receive adequate support. Judi McCarthy, chairwoman of the Kern Community Foundation, notes: "They should understand the commitment -- How frequently should they meet with their mentee? What is the duration of the relationship? Many mentees haven't had dependable relationships in their lives. The mentor-mentee relationship SHOULD be a dependable one."
Time: Mentors should provide at least one hour a week of support to their mentees. Both parties should agree on a schedule that works for them. Garden Pathways suggests telling your mentee not to call past a certain time at night.
"You have to set parameters. Decide what is reasonable," mentor Faye Turner said.
Money: You don't have to have a lot of money to be a mentor. Garden Pathways provides a few group activities throughout the year. But Turner always makes sure to celebrate achievements and milestones with Priscilla, her mentee.
"I think it is individual in that way; some may not be able to provide," Turner said.
For more information on how to get involved at Garden Pathways, contact Executive Director Karen Goh at 633-9133 or visit gardenpathways.org. You can also view www.facebook.com/gardenpathways.
Other ways to help
Become a "mentoring consultant" to train or support mentoring participants or mentors in your field of expertise.
Volunteer your services in your area of expertise (such as marketing, technology, construction, education).
Assist the mentor coordinator in recruiting, training, and supporting mentors.
Donate financially to support mentoring and education.
-- Sources: Karen Goh, Judi McCarthy and Faye Turner
Woman is mentoring success story
WHAT POTENTIAL MENTORS SHOULD KNOW
Your first Thanksgiving dinner, first Christmas tree, first birthday cake: Most of us can't remember those important milestones because we were too young when they happened.
Not Priscilla.
Those and so many other big moments are fresh in the mind of the 17-year-old Bakersfield girl because she has experienced all of them only within the last year.
With a father who has drifted in and out of prison -- and her life -- and a mother who seems more like a sister, Priscilla has had to learn to parent herself. There aren't a lot of "I love you's" spoken in her household.
And that's where Faye Turner comes into the picture.
Turner, 60, is Priscilla's mentor through the local nonprofit organization Garden Pathways. It was Turner who insisted that Priscilla's last name not be used in this article to protect the teen's privacy.
"I have your back, your front, your head -- your everything," Turner told Priscilla during a recent newspaper interview at a local Starbucks. "I am fiercely protective of you -- that just shows you how much I love you and care about you."
January is National Mentoring Month, an annual reminder of the power a positive role model has to turn around lives like Priscilla's. Last year more than 770 participants received help through the Family to Family Mentoring program, according to Garden Pathways Executive Director Karen Goh. The program was developed to help people struggling with poverty learn to overcome challenges. In 2009, there were 85 mentors who provided individual support and more than 150 people who volunteered their services to the nonprofit.
Judi McCarthy, chairwoman of Kern Community Foundation, has worked with a volunteer group to start the foundation's Women's & Girls' Fund, which also offers mentoring to people in need of positive examples.
"Many of us are encouraged to be educated, to reach our potential, to become the best we can be," McCarthy said. "Not all are so fortunate, born into intact families or nurturing environments."
Fanny Hernandez, profiled in a Californian article a few years ago, had some pretty convincing reasons to believe she'd never turn her life around. She became a mom at 12, quit school, abused drugs. But the tools she learned from her Garden Pathways mentor changed her course.
"I became a responsible parent because of a mentor encouraging me, always believing in me, never giving up on me and letting me know there is hope," Hernandez said.
Hernandez became a role model in turn, sharing her experiences with girls in danger of making the same bad choices. That's how she crossed paths with Priscilla.
"I was shocked when she told me (about her life)," Priscilla said of Hernandez. "Some of the things she was saying reminded me of my life" -- ditching school to drink and running away from police.
But Turner has introduced Priscilla to teen experiences like seeking a part-time job, taking her to apply for her learner's permit, spending time bowling with kids her age, even cluing her in on a few teen idols -- "She didn't know who Miley Cyrus or who the Jonas Brothers were," Turner said.
But more than the crash course in pop culture, Turner's guidance has become a lifesaver to Priscilla in recent weeks. The teen's mother and grandmother have left for Mexico, placing her in the care of her father, with whom she has a tense relationship. Priscilla's older sister, a positive influence on the teen, helps when she can but lives in Los Angeles.
Priscilla will have to learn to care for the house, the dogs and pay the bills -- responsibilities her parents never taught her. Turner plans to take Priscilla to the bank, get her a debit card and teach her how to write checks so that the bills get paid.
"I get to do more things with her than I have with my own family," Priscilla said. "She showed me how to be responsible and that I am not going to depend on no one but myself."
Turner tries to hold back from preaching like a parent to Priscilla and said she is not there to replace her mother.
"I want what's best for you and what's best for you is having a good relationship with your mom," Turner said.
But it isn't all bank accounts and job applications for the pair. During their weekly meetings, they talk about boys, clothes, school -- the usual topics of conversation for most teen girls. In fact, what drew them together in the first place -- during a group outing coordinated by Turner's husband, a Garden Pathways mentor -- was the discovery that they're both girly girls.
Turner, who had no intentions of becoming a mentor herself, was secretly partnered with Priscilla during miniature golf. After that, the group headed across the street to eat.
"I sat next to Priscilla at the restaurant. I thought she was adorable, the cutest little thing -- that's where it all started."
That meeting, just last summer, has opened so many doors for Priscilla.
"Faye took me to new places I've never been to -- I've never been to a bookstore before," said Priscilla, who has received a few popular teen novels from her mentor.
One aspect Turner tries to push is reminding Priscilla how beautiful the teen is and boosting her confidence and self-esteem to succeed.
"Priscilla really wants to make good choices in her life -- be a good daughter to her mother, keep her temper in check, make good choices with boys and friends and to graduate high school," Turner said.
