Herb Benham: I'm feeling blue over my Bluetooth
| Thursday, Oct 08 2009 04:23 PM
Last Updated Thursday, Oct 08 2009 04:23 PM
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I lost my Bluetooth.
Again. It's the second time, maybe the third.
There is nothing sneakier than a Bluetooth. They're small, slippery and usually black, which means they go with everything, including oblivion.
I need one of those boards they tie bathroom keys to at gas stations. You can't lose those. The only thing you can do with them is stack them on the wood pile and wait for winter.
I tossed the Bluetooth in my swim bag with the blue towel, two pairs of swim trunks, three pairs of goggles, four plastic bags and my work clothes. I might as well have left a Milk Dud in my jeans and thrown it in the wash. The only thing left is a spot and a memory.
Losing a Bluetooth isn't all bad because until you replace it, it's a vacation from looking dumb. Instantly, we're human again. The aliens have gone home to eat their young.
I bought my first Bluetooth from the AT&T store on Truxtun. A persuasive salesperson talked me into spending almost $80 for an extra small one. Small being less noticeable, which meant a stab at looking as dignified as you can look with a black thing hitchhiking on your ear lobe
"You won't hear any wind noise with this one," he said.
He was right. I didn't hear any wind noise. At least not for long. I lost it four days later.
Then, in a Seinfeld moment (lose a dollar/find a dollar) I found a Bluetooth at home that didn't belong to anybody. I could hear wind noise with that one. In fact, every conversation sounded like a ride in an elevator that was hurtling toward the earth.
The wind howled, bells went off and passengers protested loudly in the background.
I had some close calls with Bluetooth No. 2. You always do. Those things are small and are harder to hold on to than ice.
I almost lost Bluetooth No. 2, almost lost it again and then finally the swim bag ate it. The bag could have eaten the extra pair of swim shorts that are wearing thin in the backside, but I couldn't lose them if I threw them out the window on 99. I'm sure the shorts would impale themselves on the antenna and wave to passers-by.
Now I have another charger I can't use. There is no such thing as a universal charger for cell phones and Bluetooths. Manufacturers are careful to alter the size so that no matter how hard you jam the new phone into the old charger, it will not work.
Awhile back, I was cleaning my closet and found four other chargers. I have no idea what they go to. Certainly nothing I currently own.
Chargers normally cost $19.99 That or $29.99. Whatever the price, it has to have at least two nines in it.
I went to Goodwill the day after I lost the Bluetooth. Maybe they had a used one. Maybe somebody turned in mine. Maybe the tooth fairy was going to lay a golden egg on my pillow tomorrow morning.
Goodwill didn't have a Bluetooth. However, they had a wonderful selection of chargers in the store. I saw at least 20.
I'd say four of them were mine. Don't worry about them running out. I'm about to donate two more.
These are Herb Benham's opinions and not necessarily those of The Californian. To reach him, call 395-7279 or e-mail him at hbenham@bakersfield.com.
