Herb Benham: A deal breaker to the first wife is cute to the second
BENHAM: Flights of fancy send wives up a wall
| Friday, Oct 02 2009 03:38 PM
Last Updated Friday, Oct 02 2009 03:38 PM
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On his left hand, he wore a big leather mitt. On his back, a Giants uniform. I didn't catch the number.
I didn't catch the number because I was looking at his face, ringed by grayish, brown curls. It was the face of a 50-year-old man who had the expression of a 10-year-old boy. He was happy, he was walking to a Giants game at AT&T Park wearing his mitt and uniform. Recently, we spent the weekend in San Francisco with my cousin Bea and her husband, Ron. Sunday, we walked south along the Embarcadero, took a spin around AT&T Park and then stopped for scones, corn muffins and homemade apple butter at Town's End Restaurant for breakfast.
That's when we saw the man with the mitt and Giants jersey, which in itself was not remarkable. However, he was walking with an attractive auburn-haired woman who was almost beaming as if to say, "I know you may think it's odd that my husband is walking down the street wearing a mitt, but I think it's cute."
Hers was a declaration. It said, "I love this man, even when he acts like a child."
Then, it hit me. This had to be a second marriage. The things that spouses find irritating in their original husbands or wives, become objects of affection in second marriages.
It wouldn't have surprised me that if in the divorce papers, his first wife had stated, "And if that weren't enough, he insisted on walking to the Giants game with a big honking mitt on."
I tried this on Sue, cousin Bea and her husband, Ron, to see if they agreed and of course the women didn't. If either of them had been second wives, they would have been impressed by my powers of intuition. As it was, they attributed it to the typical male propensity for making grand unsubstantiated claims. God knows they've had enough of that in both of their 25-year-plus marriages.
With my cousin, Bea, I knew I had the trump card. Ron recently bought a skateboard and has been carrying/riding it on some of their walks together. Bea has not been entertained by Ron's sudden flight fancy.
"It's one thing for a kid to ride a skateboard, but when an adult does it, what you are thinking is DUI," Bea said.
It would be different if Bea were the second wife. Then she might laud his youthful spirit and compliment his willingness to take risks.
No one should underestimate the irritability factor in a relationship. Irritation is like toxic waste. You can bury it, but you can never really get rid of it. It just sits in a hole somewhere and glows.
No one escapes. The day before, I had worn white tube socks with my Sanuks, a sort of canvas-like rubber- soled shoe that cool guys like me wear.
When Sue saw them, she stiffened, looked away and then cast her head down as if she could barely believe the horror to which she had been subjected.
"Do you have to wear white gym socks with those?" she said.
No, I don't. At least not now, with you, but, let me make one thing clear. Somewhere, a woman thinks that tube socks and Sanuks are a pretty sexy combination. I think you may be able to find her at the Giants game with the guy wearing the catcher's mitt.
In honor of our 30th anniversary, I took off the socks on a park bench in front of the Holocaust Center of Northern California. I'm not sure what was worse -- wearing the socks or having them ride thick and bunchy in my front pocket.
I didn't ask. Sometimes, it's better not to.
